what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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