OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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