Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
