I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
