If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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