i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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