the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
