No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
