Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
