I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
