the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
