did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
