My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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