He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
