while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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