my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
