I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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