haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
