so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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