Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Pappa wants mamma naked
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
