i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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