Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
