The maid of honor just puked.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
