my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
