Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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