Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
