The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
