gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
