Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
