okay pat passed out under dana's car
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
only you would photoshop your dick
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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