Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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