Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
