im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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