Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He did a backflip because drugs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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