If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
