I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
