he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
