Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
