Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
