I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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