i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my being single is dangerous.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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