I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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