we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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