He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
