T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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