i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
