There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He felt like a one man threesome
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
