How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
