Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
