I wanna passion pit in your ass
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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