I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
