...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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