Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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