Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
