He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
