So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
