I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was a blind-side dick pic.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
